The 7th Ring of Hell. . . .

. . . is located, not in the depths of Hades, but in Hillsborough, NJ at a place called Boro KidZone. Monday both kids' schools were closed for Presidents' Day, so I was looking for something to do with them since the weather was rainy. The local Moms' Club that I belong to (but have never gone to any meetings of) sent an email about Boro KidZone, so I thought we'd try it out. Big mistake. Huge.

It's an indoor play center located in an industrial park with one of those enormous inflatable bouncy castles, enormous inflatable slide, a climbing wall, some stuff for smaller kids and one of those Habi-Trail-like structures that kids can climb through, slide down, play in the ball pit, whatever. Nothing wrong with any of this - though other than the structures, the interior decor was about as visually stimulating as the inside of a microwave oven.

What really roasted my goat were the dozens of parents sitting on chairs, noses stuck in books or newspapers or engaged with their cell phones or lap tops while their adrenaline-crazed, ill-mannered spawn ran rampant through the facility. Thea climbed up in the structure and then was on her way down and missed a little soft block so she dangled before climbing back up, which scared her to the point she was crying. I gathered up Micah and talked her to a place where I could help her climb down, but herds of these miserable ill-mannered brats were crawling over her, over me and on top of Micah while we were doing this. Not a single "Excuse me" or anything. Not one, even the older ones, stopped to help - so in addition to lousy manners, they had the empathy of sea sponges as well.

What also bugged me was how unengaged the vast majority of the parents were. They just wanted a place where they could let their children run wild, burn off some energy while they did whatever. Only a few were actually playing with their children which is lazy and pathetic.

Once calm was restored after the climbing structure fiasco, Thea tried out the bouncing castle but came out because she said someone had said "something mean" to her. By then I figured out that of the two of them, I had to make sure to keep a closer eye on her, Micah can pretty much hold his own - you push him, he'll either holler or push right back. And while hanging out at the bouncing structure watching Thea give it another try, Micah engaged a girl in playing basketball and catch with him. A girl who looked somewhere between 15- to 16-years old. In hip huggers. With boobs, earrings, make-up. Once Thea was ok with bouncing around like a ping-pong, I went over to check on him, and the girl (who did seem nice) says to me, "Oh, we're just playing and talking." His BAHA was off - too noisy and too many rammy/rowdy kids around, so I felt a slightly evil compunction to tell her that he has microtia/atresia and isn't yet the most brilliant conversationalist (although he will occasionally say "Tickle bellybutton" though you have to know it or understand (from his lifting your shirt and trying to find your navel.) My bad on that one for doing it to him, so now he's going forth to do unto others) and "Dog, 'oof, 'oof."

For $9 per kids, we got out two hours worth, but usually if Thea, once she warms to something, will fight leaving. This time both of them got their shoes on and were perfectly willing to get out of there, and we won't be going back anytime soon.