We have a new family member, a yellow-bellied slider turtle adopted through the Mid-Atlantic Turtle and Tortoise Society.  Believe it or not, reptiles are abandoned by their owners, it's not just cats and dogs (and guinea pigs).  The lady who fostered Charlie for a week after picking him up from Baltimore where he'd lived for a year after being rescued told me of a turtle she had just taken to a new home whose aquarium had been put out in the trash with the turtle still in it.  Charlie and his new aquarium resides in Micah's room, and Micah is thrilled.

Getting the aquarium, getting it set up, getting the pump assembled getting the very large, very heavy coffee table out of the garage and upsairs, and all the other stuff was a series of misadventures.  The pump had missing tubing and had to be returned.  Steve actually read the back of the label of the aquarium and found it was not to be filled with water. Huh?  I made mention of the fact that the tank was going to be used for an aquatic turtle when I was buying the supplies at Petsmart - and the salesperson working with me has turtles as pets.  Turtles need UVA and UVB lights to keep their shells strong, and the lights remain on for twelve hours per day.  The day I had arranged to drive to Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania to pick him up, it snowed all morning making the Turnpike 80 miles of slushy torture.  I didn't want to open the box with Charlie until I picked up Micah, so we got him home, opened the box and what was described as a six-inch turtle was was more like nine or ten inches, depending on how the shell is measured.  And we only had a few minutes to put him in his tank and keep on moving to Micah's appointment with Dr. Choe.

So the larger than anticipated turtle needed a bigger basking shelf - another trip to Petsmart, and the lady from MATTS said he would have some of his familiar tank plants with him.  Didn't happen.  Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching.  I hope the bulk of the upfront costs are finished.

Meanwhile on Monday I bought some guppies for Charlie.  Fast food, food that is highly motivated to be fast, they swim as if their lives depend on it.  When the five went into Charlie's tank, he shot off his basking shelf and got himself one, and then another.   And I thought one more went into his stomach, but it was doing a better job hiding than the other two who have banded together for survival.  After I put in the feeding stone for the surviving guppies, Charlie decided to hover over it waiting for them. . . .

Micah loves him, he doesn't shed and he's quiet.

ChongQing 2004 Reunion

Thea and Jennifer

It's been almost nine years since a small band of  adoptive parents boarded planes that took them to San Francisco where they boarded an Air China flight to Beijing.  Some of the group knew others from the travel workshop given by the adoption agency, but since everyone was scattered throughout the jumbo jet,  once everyone made it off the plane and into passport control at the airport, the group began to form for the first time.  At baggage claim, we met our guides and the adventure of getting to know one another began.

We went on a jetlag-fueled blitzkrieg tour of Beijing: Tiananmen Square, the Forbidden City, lunch at a Friendship Store a visit to the Great Wall at Baodaling and as darkness fell, a trip back to the Beijing airport and a flight to ChongQing.

And on what was Labor Day back in the States, we gathered in the dining room of the Holiday Inn to fill out paperwork with our guides.

What made us a group came later that afternoon.  We boarded a large tour bus and went to an office building on the other side of ChongQing.  Rather nondescript, an elevator capable of holding at most four or five people and a ride up to the office where we met our kids. Thirteen babies from three different social welfare institutions, they were the glue that made us a group.

Trips to the grocery store to buy formula and baby food, pacing the hallways, hanging out in the playroom at the hotel, sight-seeing trips to the ChongQing Zoo, sharing stacking cups, toys, Tylenol for infants, the plane to GuangZhou, shopping and bargaining made us a very large, slightly strange family.  Two weeks together until we boarded a plane that took us to Shanghai and from there to San Francisco, and at SFO, we scattered - to New Jersey, Pennsylvania, New York, Ohio, Minnesota, Colorado.

We are fortunate to be in New Jersey, which puts us in an area were a large number of our travel group live, and we have been doubly fortunate that we've stayed in touch - and that we get together every year.  The group changes a bit every year - especially since the kids are getting older and have activities and social lives of their own.  But the gathering happens - and the shared experiences of having people ask if our children are 'really' siblings (with 'really' being a synonym for 'biological'), what about their 'real' mothers, how much did you pay for them. All the annoying questions that you can share the answers that you would have liked to have given if we did not feel compelled to be the polite ambassadors for international adoptions.  And a thousand other topics, shared memories and whatnot.  Yesterday was that day, and it was wonderful - and I say this even after having to work in the morning and being on call for the weekend.

Meanwhile, our kids have grown, siblings have been added to the families and even though they don't see each other, they all seem to know that their shared history is important - and most of them have iPods, Nintendos, Wiis; the universal language of the electronic childhood becomes their common thread just as the shared experience of the trip to China binds the adults - and hanging out with other kids is more entertaining than hanging out with a bunch of parents.  The kids do pop over to the parents table every now and then, to check in, to eat and for that they will receive the pat on the head, the "look at how much you've grown" from the friends of their parents, so far they are not rolling their eyes at this, but that day may come.

Jennifer, Micah, Thea and Juliana

Next year will be the 10th anniversary of that trip that made us a group, and we've started talking about how to celebrate, could we get those members who don't live as close to come?, where to have it?  Our kids will be 10 to 11 or so, with younger and older siblings.  Suggestions welcome.

China 2004 kids, plus siblings, plus high school exchange students

Persuasion

 Micah and Gracie, January 17, 2013

Micah's first grade class is learning how to write a persuasive letter:  This is what we received via the US mail from him; we are expected to respond in kind, mailing the letter to him at school.


02/05/2013

Dear Mom and Dad,

I love both of you.  You are both the generous Mom and Dad I ever had in my life.  I would like a dog or a trddlr (turtle) please.  Having a dog or a trddlr is important to me because wen I get home I don't  get any atation (attention).  Once time we went on a family walke.  I saw one of our nabrze (neighbors) was walkeing there dog.  I got jaulous (jealous).  I will do chorz (chores) for you and maybe you can pay me.  I will help you pay for the dog.

For example one time I was riding in Bill's and Donna's car and I was in the back with Grase (Gracie).  I dasided (decided) I would persuasive both of you.  Another ressin (reason) is one time I was at Tesh's house and I was rubbing her dog's toume (tummy), it was fun.

Love, Micah

Lydia M. Grebe, CEO

Mom, Inc.

Plainsboro, New Jersey

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Micah Albin

c/o Mrs. M. Collins, Room #15

Wicoff School

Plainsboro, NJ 08536

Dear Micah:

Thank you for your lovely letter.  Your handwriting was an example of your neatest work, clearly your request for a dog or a turtle is very important to you.

Unfortunately, we here at Mom, Inc. must respectfully decline your request for a dog.  For the purposes of convincing you of my point, let me provide you with a number of facts influencing the decision to say "NO!" to a new, canine member of our family:

1.) We have two guinea pigs, Darwin and Galileo.  Remember them?  I don't think so since both you and your sister, who both found these messy little creatures so enchanting two years ago, barely give them the time of day now.  If your father did not spend the time needed to care for them and clean their cage, I would have given them to the nice Ecuadorian home health aide who took care of Oma who said they were a delicacy in her country.  And I probably would have also included a couple of skewers and a complimentary bottle of barbecue sauce to seal the deal.

2.)  A dog is an enormous responsibility, both financial and time-wise.  Your $2.00 per week allowance will not adequately cover the financial responsibilities of dog ownership, which included food, chew toys, veterinarian costs, pet sitters and other incidentals.  I know you are expecting great things from the $0.50 weekly cost-of-living increase you will receive on March 2 when you turn seven, but it still will not come close to the hundreds of dollars needed to take good care of a dog.  And while your intentions of promising to do chores to help earn money are well-intended, your track record for doing the same chore, week after week, still needs some additional practice.

Additionally, a dog is a large commitment of time, which is in short supply around our house.  How would you feel about being sent out into the backyard to scoop up dog poop on a weekly basis?  Would you be able to remember to put out fresh water morning and evening for the dog?  Doubtful.  You don't drink enough fluids yourself.  Would you vacuum every other day to keep dog hair from piling up on the floors?  Would you be able to train to the dog to stay off of the furniture?  Train the dog to not pee or poop on the rugs and floors?  And what would you do if the dog you want so badly chewed up your enormous collection of stuffed animals and other toys?  What would this dog do all day while we are at work and you are at school?  It really is not fair to the dog to be cooped up in the house all day with no attention.  Dogs are social animals and when they become bored and lonely, they can be destructive.

When we do get home from work, I am not going to be stuck walking the dog after you have become bored with caring for it or would rather play Wii or it is too cold or wet or rainy to take the dog on a walk.  Or if you must complete your homework assignments or after you start participating in other extra-curricular activities, I am not going to be the safety net.  If I am going to use up the remaining cartilage in my knees, I am going to use it seeing Venice, Stockholm, Prague, Budapest or Hong Kong and not walking around our neighborhood at the end of leash, picking up dog poop in a plastic bag so that we do not run afoul of the neighborhood association.

3.) I would also like to refute your argument that your father and I pay no attention to you, and would like to put forth a claim that you chose to spend time on many activities other than lavishing love, affection and attention upon your parents and sister.  We spend a good deal of time arranging play dates with your friends, chauffeuring you to various activities such as soccer, ice skating, Cub Scouts, etc. and time hanging out with you.  You, on the other hand, are often more engaged in playing with your friends at EDP and ignore the parent who has come to pick you up and seem annoyed that we have arrived.  Mom, Inc. is considering implementing a new plan of periodic electronics-free weekends.  Stay tuned for news on this.

4.) A few stylistic comments on your letter:  Don't lay the praise on so thick.  We're your Mom and Dad, we are neither the BEST mom and dad in the world, nor the WORST.  There are lots and lots and lots of excellent mothers and fathers in this world.  Lots.  I love you to pieces and your smile and humor light up my world on a daily basis, but just about every Mommy thinks that her kids are the best in the world and we all cannot be right.

5.) Another minor comment on the form of address on your letter's envelope:  how nice of you to address it to Daddy and Grandma or Aunt Ginny.  You know my name and you know it is NOT Mrs. Albin.  Attention to minor details like this can be almost as persuasive as the contents of the letter itself.  It is very important not to irritate your audience before she even opens the envelope.

Again, you are one of the lights of my life and I love you very, very much, but as much as I love you, your request for a dog is declined (which translates to "Mommy says 'No way!'" in your world.)

I am, however, open to the concept of a turtle.  Submit your proposal showing me that you understand what a turtle needs in terms of a habitat and food to the address listed above, my people will call your people and we'll do lunch to hash out the details.  Maybe it could even happen in time for your birthday, may be not considering that we will need to see how long it takes the Mid-Atlantic Turtle and Tortoise Society review our application and how long it takes the State of New Jersey to issue a permit to own a turtle.  Neither of these things are under my control.  Start saving your allowance for that 55 gallon tank, though.  To paraphrase Louis Pasteur, "Chance favors the prepared (mind)."

Hugs, kisses and love you bunches,

Mommy

Eulogy for My Mother

Margaret May Grebe

Born April 2, 1929 in Baltimore, Maryland

Lived in Washington, DC; Hyattsville, Maryland; Bolingbrook, Illinois;

Waldorf and La Plata, Maryland

Died January 4, 2013 in Plainsboro, New Jersey

Several years ago, when my mother was first diagnosed with breast cancer she specifically said that she did not want me to blog or post on Facebook anything about her illness.  In April 2012 she learned that the disease had metastasized to her lungs and liver, and in November, we learned that it had further spread to her brain.  Four days into 2013, she lost the fight, peacefully, gracefully and on her own terms.

I will be forever thankful to the family and friends who helped and supported her from the time she was first diagnosed in 2009, to her New Jersey oncologist and radiation oncologist for the thoughtful care provided her in the late stages of her fight, and to Princeton Hospice who made the last week of her life comfortable.

So now I am trying to learn how to live without having Mom around.  I still want to pick up the phone or go to her room when something happens and I need someone to listen to me ramble, rant and rave. One of her best skills was listening while not trying to 'fix' everything that was being ranted about.  She knew when it was just steam that needed to be release, and that is a gift.

There are recipes that I wanted her to teach me, Rouladen, Bohnesalat, red cabbage, cucumber salad - the vinegar-based one and the sour cream-based cream one and more, but I will try on my own to figure it out or head to Florida where Mom's cousin, Mina lives.  Micah loves Oma's scrambled eggs, which use the same ingredients that I use, but somehow the 'Oma touch' elevated them to a new culinary level.  Thea's favorite is Oma's stuffed peppers, though she aggravates Oma as I once did by not eating the pepper shell - and my mother was much more indulgent of this in a grandchild.  I will miss going to the German Deli in Virginia with her.

Mom's chocolate chip cookies simply go down as legendary, and she said that she did nothing other than put a sprinkle of water over the dough.

I am also remembering all the things she has taught me.  First and foremost, how to be a good friend.  Mom had a gift for keeping in touch with people, she wrote notes, cards, sent off articles and other things that she thought the recipient would enjoy.  I received more mail in one year from Mom than most of my friends got in four years of college.  She would do anything for her friends and family and her door was always open.  And she became friends with a number of our friends.  I was still bringing friends home, even while I was in nursing school.

Mom taught me that it is important to be present and involved in your children's lives by volunteering to be a room mother, helping with the Girl Scouts.

And she was always open to new things.  She was not afraid to try line-dancing, and continue trying, and continue to try, because she enjoyed doing it.  (I on the other hand accepted my total lack of rhythm and coordination from an early age.) She tried out various crafts, with varying degrees of success, and I think part of it was more to enjoy the company of her friends than the finished product.

I am thankful to all those who were able to take time on a cold, grey day to attend Mom's service.  I thought because of the almost two weeks time that had elapsed between the time she died to the first available date for burial at the Maryland Veterans Cemetery that my feelings would not be as raw.  And then my nine-year old daughter who has only been playing the viola for three months played Beethoven's Ode to Joy at the beginning of the service, and then the neighbor who lived across the street from Mom in Waldorf told how things that Mom just did because that was just Mom were so very meaningful to her even now, and I was just sunk.  The advantage of being in the front row was that I was close to a box of tissues.

And to all those who have sent cards with kind words and a memory of Mom to share with us, thank you as well.

I am thankful to my brother, who made all the arrangements for the viewing, funeral and luncheon. 

I will love her and miss her forever, I know that wherever she has gone, cancer did not go with her.  Most of all, thank you, Margaret Grebe, for being my mother.  I wish I had had the composure to say this on Thursday.

Merry Christmas, Frohe Weihnachten, Glad Jul, Joyeux Noel, Feliz Navidad

The first one to wake me up was Thea, she's congested and has a mild sore throat.  The second was Oma.  Micah, who was wired until close to 11 pm last night, is still asleep.  The rule of Christmas morning is they can dive into their stockings but not the presents until everyone is awake.

I remembered to recharge the battery for the camera, so there might be pictures later.  Merry Christmas.

Oh what to do. . .

. . .when all the presents are wrapped?  My usual modus operandi is to have everything sitting in bags until Christmas Eve and then engage in a wrapping frenzy.  It's getting old.  So today I decided that I would hang out and just get it done.  No computer, no other distractions, just me, the tape, the scissors and the gift wrap taking on the bags of stuff.

And it worked.  It's done, other than the stocking stuffers.  Oh, happy day. 

Now I just need to remember to charge the camera battery and work on the side dish menu for Christmas dinner.

This will be our second Christmas staying at home, so we still haven't gotten down our Christmas schtick, yet.

'Twas Three Days Before Christmas. . .

Time to take down the Hanukkah decorations . . . .and get out the glue gun to secure the bolts (candle holders) onto the paint stirrer that is the newest addition to our menorah collection.

The stockings finally got hung up on the bannister today; the tree was decorated last weekend after standing in the living room for a week with only four ornaments on it.  Tomorrow I may get around to hanging a wreath, which is the sum total of my outdoor decorations.  All those who put up light displays that can be seen from the International Space Station are just putting money into PSE&G's pockets.  And in our neighborhood, it is always those who have the ugliest combinations of lights who put them up the earliest and leave them up the longest.

I have seen enough sappy made-for-the-Hallmark-channel Christmas movies to last me for the remainder of my life and they have served to eradicate what little Christmas spirit I was able to muster.  I'm not usually overjoyed by the holidays, but this year's holiday malaise is worse than usual due to Retail America starting to put up Christmas displays before  Halloween had arrived.  Thank you, Target et al.

The kids are excited about being off from school until January 2, 2013, particularly no Chinese language school until January 6, 2013 though no let up in the homework from Wang LaoShi.  She's a wonderful teacher, but the amount of homework given on the last day before break puts her up there in the stratosphere range as far as buzzkills go.   At regular school, each of their classes each held holiday parties and made gingerbread (read: graham crackers masquerading as gingerbread) houses.  Both kids are relatively clueless as to the events in Newtown, Connecticut.

Fortunately most of the holiday shopping was done on-line, so I have not had to set foot in a shopping mall since sometime in early November.  All the stuff is waiting in bags in the family room waiting for divine inspiration or time finally running out before I get out the wrapping paper, tape and scissors.

Meanwhile back in every day life, both of Micah's BAHAs are out of commission.  One has a nasty case of feedback, the other died while Micah was at school.  Micah and I went back to Audiology at JFK Hospital in Edison, where Micah was first evaluated and fitted with the BAHAs, but if we sent the BAHA back to Cochlear via Audiology the repair cost would be over $800.  So it's been sent off to Centennial, Colorado and the cost will be around $400 per BAHA.

The experience was a lesson as to how spoiled we were while Micah was at Summit Speech School.  When one of the BAHAs needed repair several years ago, the school's pediatric audiologist sent it off and it came back within a week good as new. No muss, no fuss and very little in the way of effort on my part.  Just how I like it.  As Forrest Gump said so eloquently, "One less thing."

And instead of helping with ordering a newer model BAHA, the audiologist at JFK, who is the same one who saw Micah in 2007 to 2009, was all over the options map:  should we have Micah seen by an ENT surgeon who would implant the titanium post so Micah would not need to wear the softband, or since air conduction is always better than bone conduction so maybe since over the ear hearing aids are so small and lightweight some sort of loop could be made to fit over Micah's ear cartilage if Micah's ENT would allow for placement in the canals of an ear mold?  or we could just get the new BAHA3 and continue on as we have been doing.  Personally, I think a nice hit of Ritalin on a regular basis would help her achieve some focus and lessen the stream of consciousness-type chatter that drives me nuts.

I'm in favor of continuing on with the softband.  The BAHAis anchored with a safety tether to the band in case it falls off. -with the over-the-ear hearing aids, if one fell off, it would be near impossible to find it due to it's small size.  No surgery (for now), and if there would be any surgery, I am not going to some new specialist at the recommendation of the audiologist, I am going to Micah's current ENT surgeon, period.