Foreskin's Lament

Title cribbed from Shalom Auslander's book (which was a very good book, BTW.)

Today was the day Micah and his foreskin parted ways, his fourth time under anesthesia in less than two years.

The surgery was done at Summit Surgery Center in Voorhees, NJ, which was a pale approximation of our experiences at Englewood Hospital for Micah's atresia surgeries.  Whether you are for circumcision (Steve) or against (me, at least in this specific circumstance), in Micah's case, the debate is closed.

What I found completely appalling about the experience and people I was trusting with my child:

- requiring Micah's adoption certificate prior to surgery (I took it along the first two times to Englewood but never needed it); revenge was had by sending them the certificate which is entirely in Chinese with the exception of our names, our address and Micah's name; it had to be translated (no one asked me if there was a translation, which I have as well as a notarization of the translation, so I did not feel obligated to offer what I was not asked for.)

- the anesthesiologist proving that she did not consult the chart where 'Family History Unknown / Patient Adopted' is on almost every form I completed, and which also included the Chinese adoption certificate, but asking me has anyone in the family have any problems with anesthesia?  Really great for instilling confidence in a parent;

- the surgeon running three hours behind, we arrived on time at 10 am.  Upon registering, I was told that Dr. Packer was 'a little behind' which morphed into 'running an hour behind' and quickly blossomed to 'more than an hour behind.'  Fortunately we had a late dinner Sunday night, but Micah was really thirsty by the time he got his apple juice in the PACU;

- each time Micah was going to surgery with Dr. Choe, I put on a set of scrubs and carried him into the OR and stayed with him until he was under anesthesia, no such luck here, and since I assumed that this was the standard, I passed on the pre-op Versed for Micah and he got wheeled out of the room by four total strangers and was terrified.  Whoever at Summit Surgery Center decided that the cost of  laundering a few extra sets of scrubs that cannot be billed for was less important than a dose of Versed, which can be billed for deserves a blistering case of herpes;

- the urologist who told us that Micah would be in the bathtub within two days, and back in the pool a few days later who today told me that he's out of the pool for a week, see one item wish list above and add him to the list;

- I was repeatedly asked, 'You're here by yourself? '  Umm,no and yes, not that the question deserves an explanation, but we have TWO children, so one had to get to/from her summer camp program, the other had surgery today.  I was there with Micah, therefore not alone.  Steve took care of chauffeuring Thea. Divide and conquer, and BITE ME. Thanks for using a tone of voice that made me feel like an escapee from a leper colony.

The outcome of this is that I will forever be grateful the care we received at the Ambulatory Surgical Center at Englewood Hospital.   And Summit will feel my rage and wrath on the Press Ganey patient satisfaction survey.

Micah is doing fine, and has already came up to me and asked 'Can I take a look at my penis?'  So I helped him drop trou and check it out.  He seems satisfied that the major parts are still intact and is off to play with his surgery day loot.